Spillin’ The Tea is a Hanabi column that takes a casual perspective on submissions from the ASIJ Community. The 2024-25 writers are Koyo Odagari (10), Carolin Holjo (11), and Shivaan Kothari (11). This series offers a space for exchange between ASIJ members who spill their thoughts and our student writers who offer friendly insight.
Submission:
From the second I got to ASIJ it was so clear there were these cliques. These distinct friend groups which didn’t associate with anyone else. They’re all in their little worlds and from assemblies in the gym to lunch tables to the blr everyone’s clique is unable to separate. I wanna know why ASIJ has such a cliquey culture and no one can just mingle for once, or for those who try to mingle, why does it become awkward?
An Introduction to Cliques at ASIJ
Thank you for the submission!
Humans are naturally social creatures, and we love forming groups. So, it makes sense that we form groups in every social space we encounter.
As students who have been at ASIJ since elementary school, we’ve observed that distinct cliques only really start to manifest in high school, and it’s not surprising why. As students move through elementary, middle school, and high school, they are given increasingly more free time. Who better to spend time with than your friends?
Previous Hanabi writers Ann-Li Hitosugi and Masa Kawasaki bring up similar points in their article What’s The TEAlio? Social Groups and Parties at ASIJ, writing that “the tendencies of high schoolers are simple: people who share similar interests are naturally drawn to one another through classes, extracurriculars, and casual convos, and whatnot, and as a circle of friends begins to form, they begin to congregate in the same place, at the same time, with the same people every day.” As we grow and find our interests and hobbies, we naturally create groups with individuals who share these interests and hobbies.
The same patterns of behavior can be applied to the new kids ASIJ welcomes every year. At first, it’s noticeably tough for them to find their place at school; we see them walking around alone, grappling with fear and nerves to get the hang of the intricacies of ASIJ’s social systems. With such rigidly set cliques, it’s often difficult for them to become a fully-integrated member of one right away, so the influx of new students encourages the formation of cliques with other new students. Some of these “new student” groups move on in a matter of weeks, while others stay close for years. Regardless, these friend groups naturally occur due to the fact that, generally, it’s easier to approach and talk to those in the same boat.
It’s natural for social groups to form. At ASIJ, these groups can be selective and exclusionary, and the ASIJ community has formed a mix of two contrasting views on these cliques: first, that they create long-lasting, genuine connections between students as we traverse adolescence, and second, that they create a rigid divide. It’s difficult when a student’s interests are unlike those of their peers or they just can’t find a group of friends. However, the second you do cement yourself in a group, there comes a sense of security and safety. These two perspectives are entirely understandable.
From these two views emerges our belief that there should be a healthy balance between social groupings and intermingling between them. That healthy balance hasn’t been reached at ASIJ, and most would agree that ASIJ would benefit from more intermingling between friend groups.
Cliques and New Students
To get a firsthand account of the new student orientation process, Koyo interviewed Collin Kauffman, a sophomore who joined the ASIJ community just three months ago.
When asked about the cliquey culture at ASIJ, he commented that he noticed it, but it wasn’t what he had expected it to be. He had anticipated difficulty with making new friends and talking to new people. However, he was instead met with several opportunities to make new friends at ASIJ (like at orientation and the first day of school), where he was able to spend his time with his advisory and meet new people.
After a few months at ASIJ, he found that “ASIJ provides more hands-on learning and ways to meet new people” than his previous school. He feels that ASIJ makes an effort to make new students feel welcome and allows its students to have a better and more exciting way of learning. It was also noticeably easier for him to talk to other new students since he didn’t feel that he was “the only new kid” and that “there were others doing the same thing.”
He also mentioned that he doesn’t yet feel fully assimilated into the ASIJ community as “the school community is very different” than his previous school’s. So, while ASIJ strives to encourage new student integration, with students like Collin appreciating the benefits, there endures a general negative sentiment surrounding exclusionary groups. This affirms that ASIJ’s assimilation efforts do not erase the enduring social struggles stemming from a lack of mingling amidst ASIJ’s student body.
Mingling
Every student at ASIJ holds a unique perspective shaped by unique experiences. By interacting with people we don’t typically hang out with, we expose ourselves to new ideas and views that we otherwise may never come across. These new ideas and views enable us to challenge the notions and biases we hold and expand our perspectives.
Therefore through mingling, we could solve ASIJ’s segregated social setting, softening the lines between cliques. But it comes with daunting requirements: you must leave the security of your group and be open to possible awkwardness and rejection. This discomfort is the prime barrier discouraging us from venturing out of our circles. Why risk an awkward conversation with somebody you’ve only ever asked for a pencil in Block 6 AP US History?
But again, community connection will only be secured by facing these risks. To figure out how we can all more easily become minglers, Carolin interviewed an expert: socially savvy senior Julia Schouw.
Note: responses have been modified
Do you perceive yourself as a “mingler”?
Honestly, yes. I do have a set group of people that I always tend to go back to, but I have friends everywhere. I am a social person, and that gets me to create connections with people around me, whether in or outside my grade. I like talking to people. I’m open to being put in a situation where I only know a few people—I take those opportunities to talk to new people.
Is it ever awkward navigating between different groups of friends? (e.g., friends of different grade levels, interests)
No, I don’t think so. I’m open to talking to a lot of people, so I often talk to my friends and whoever else they’re hanging out with at that moment.
If two of my friends from different groups are talking to me at the same time, it can be a bit of a struggle; one of them might be a cross-country friend while the other a class friend, meaning that they might not be able to pick up on the jokes and stuff. Still, I think that it really is easy to connect people from across grades if they’re open to making new friends.
Any advice for people who want to improve their social skills?
It’s up to the person to decide if they’re willing to interact with new people. One thing that really connects people is sharing a common passion, whether a club or sports team. I really want to emphasize the benefits of doing sports. Being surrounded by upperclassmen in my four years of sports, I got a lot of advice and perspective from everyone around me.
Just be open to talking to new and different types of people. Get out of your comfort zone!
Our Final Thoughts
Finding one’s way in ASIJ’s social environment is a tough process, not just for new students but really for anyone. It’s human nature to form groups with similar people, which simultaneously brings a sense of unity and division. In other words, close-knit unity is great, but it also confines us.
All of us have once gone through feeling fear and loneliness and should seek to stop others from feeling so. We only have four years in high school, so let’s try to be inclusive and outgoing. Offer a helping hand or strike up a conversation! Through such actions, we can cut through ASIJ’s cliquey barriers and create a community that is better connected for the years to come.
